Have you ever thought about how we can start a good conversation with someone, that too in the first meeting only? How we can build rapport with people? How can you impress people in the first meeting and become your fan?
If all this continues in your mind, then today’s summary will be handy for you. Because today we will discuss a book that will answer all your questions. The book is titled “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less” written by Nicholas Boothman.
How we respond when we meet someone for the first time showcases the quality and quantity of our energy. Now it can either be a fight or a fight to establish a good relationship with them. Whether or not we are attracted to someone, we make this decision within the first two seconds of seeing them. And the response we give to someone else is based on the other person’s attitude because we all recognize the attitude instantly.
We will first discuss five such steps, which we should know before meeting any new person. And after that, to understand all these things better, we will discuss three steps of good communication; we will know in detail so that you can impress any person in 90 seconds or less.
So, first of all, here are five steps we must keep in mind while meeting any new person. Of course, we can’t stop people from making decisions about us in the first meeting, just in a moment. But, we can make some alterations to make those first impressions better.
1. Attitude – First, we must adjust our attitude. We are not talking about positive or negative attitudes here but about useful and useless attitudes here.
Useful attitudes like:
Useless attitudes like:
We have to convert all our useless attitudes into good attitudes. Because if our attitude is hopeless, then people will never be able to trust us.
2. Trust – As we understood, if our attitude is useless, then people will not trust us. We have to adjust our perspective and look into their eyes, our culture showcases the importance of eye contact and respect, and if eye contact is not there, there is no trust. All relationships are based on faith. And if you have a hard time making eye contact, notice the colour of the eyes of those with whom you are talking.
3. Smile – The third point is to smile. In our culture, a smile sends a prearranged signal that indicates whether you are confident or happy. But not everyone has a natural smile. But here is a trick that all fashion models adopt. They used to use the English word “Great” in three busts.
To learn more about making friends, please read the summary of “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. The link is just down below:
GREAT, GREAT, GREAT!
And by the time you know, you’ll be smiling, and your eyes will be smiling too!
Authors say to everyone that if you are approaching someone, then first of all, you have to look into the eyes of the other person or see the colour of his eyes. After that, you don’t have to lie forward, and reminiscing “Great, great great” quickly in your mind will trigger a good look on your face.
One thing to remember when it comes to smiling and eye contact is that doing more than necessary can seem very bad, so only a little smile and eye contact are good.
4. Synchronize movements – The next thing we have to do is copy their body language. Trying to synchronize our body language with the other person’s body language at a respectful age is very important because people with great personalities do this regularly. We will discuss this point in detail in the last.
5. Find everyday things – Lastly, to build a relationship with someone, we have to establish a common ground. To make an excellent first impression, we must find one thing in common—any such topic common to both.
Now we will understand such three communication steps by which we can impress any person in 90 seconds or less.
Part 1: Meeting
Everyone usually knows about the meeting, but more than that, it is essential to understand why it is crucial to fix the meeting.
A meeting is generally the gathering of two and more people through which people exchange their thoughts to achieve a common goal. And remember, a meeting is not just face-to-face but also virtual. But there are four reasons why we need to fix the meeting.
No. 1 – Build strong relationships – When you meet people, there are more chances that you will interact with them and become good friends.
No. 2 – In general meetings, many ideas are exchanged, from which, by taking inspiration you can give suggestions or use them for your development.
No. 3 – Helps you to grow – Due to Covid, many people could not go to their offices. As a result, there has been a pause in the discussions; earlier, all those people were available in the office daily.
No. 4 – Meetings spur innovation, creative thinking, and improvements and can make anyone a better version of themselves.
Part 2: Communication
So I hope that you understand why a meeting is essential for us, but we have to talk, For which we need communication skills, which is why we need effective communication. So let’s discuss three secrets the author mentioned in this book.
Step 1: Know the wants, needs, and goals
So the first step is to make a specific goal or need. Instead of differentiating objectives and needs, we should focus on achieving particular goals.
Goals can either be personal or they can be commercial, but they are meant to provide ways of communication. To understand this principle, the author talks about Colonel Sanders.
First, the author explains how Colonel Sanders developed his restaurant chain into today’s multinational company KFC, which has more than 25,000 outlets available in more than 145 countries. This happened because Colonel Sanders knew what to do; his goal was clear. He knew what the right taste of his chicken was and how he would present the chicken so that his chicken would be marketed in the best way.
Step 2: Find out what is being delivered
In the second step, by analyzing the present situation, we have to understand what has been given, keeping in mind whether the present case is fulfilling the need of that situation or not. Therefore, we must get as much feedback as possible and understand the difference between what is desired and what we deliver.
KFC got successful because it closely monitored what was being given to the people. To improve the quality, they control the quality, which is being passed on to their customers and given to their customers, as well as the quality of raw materials being supplied to their restaurants. Due to this, no room for error was there.
Step 3: Changed and improved practices to achieve the desired results
Slow, but we have to keep changing our communication practices. Based on the feedback, we must keep changing our preparations until we get our desired results.
Because of the feedback generated from the practices of customers and employees, a culture of continuous changes and improvements in a small town, KFC has evolved into a global corporate giant.
Now let us understand the three secrets of effective communication.
Secret 1: Active listening
As the famous Greek Philosopher Epictetus said, we have two ears and one mouth so that we can hear twice as much as we speak. What is active listening? Active listening means listening to someone’s words by paying attention. Due to active listening, a perfect bond is formed between the conversation partners.
An excellent active listener uses effective body language and questioning techniques to create a personal report. Listeners should wait very patiently when other people are talking. One should observe his body language and listen carefully to what he is saying and how he is speaking. These practices give listeners time to consider why the speakers used these words and tones.
Secret 2: Questions are the answers
Questions are an excellent tool for connecting with people. Good questions help learners to learn quickly and build strong connections with conversation partners.
We should use two types of questions, open-ended and close-ended. Open-ended questions cannot be answered simply by yes or no. And open-ended questions are sometimes called leading questions because they express thought.
Close-ended questions can be answered simply with yes or no, without further explanation. In addition, close-ended questions help the partner refocus on the conversation’s root.
A balanced mix of open-ended and closed-ended questions gives conversation partners some breathing time between conversations.
Secret 3: Sensory channels
In face-to-face situations, we must communicate with the conversation partners through their optimal communication channels. Therefore, the author’s neuro-linguistic programming concept is based on the interaction of people with any one of the three learning styles in a sensory channel:
Many people understand very well by seeing things, like reading books or seeing photos; that is what we call a visual learner. Kinesthetic learners can understand things by feeling. And the auditory learner can understand things very well by listening to them. A good listener and observer become skilled in telling a speaker’s preferred sensory channel or learning style.
Part 3: Rapport building
Now we are on the essential part of our summary. Build the report.
What is Rapport? Rapport means a friendly relationship in which two people understand each other well. To build the report, we have to keep 4 points in mind:
Point 1: Opening your body is more important when starting a conversation
Imagine that you are watching someone from afar. A stranger you’ve never met before. He is standing with you, and his arms are closed. Do you think that person is approachable? Maybe not. Keeping your body close gives a frustrated, nervous, and anxious impression. This body language is considered very harmful.
Instead, when you talk to people, keep your body open. For example, by opening your shoulders, you tell someone you are ready and excited to meet them by pointing to your hollow body.
Point 2: People like similar people
While talking to the other person, try synchronizing your movements with their movements. This makes the front person feel comfortable around us instantly.
Have you ever come across an overly ethnocentric salesperson who introduces himself lavishly, and you want to walk away from him? This is because the salesperson’s movements are very different from yours. It is the nature of humans they copy everything around them. When someone laughs looking at you, you laugh back too.
That’s why we feel comfortable around people who are like us. So whenever you meet someone, try to copy their voice’s tone, movements, and breathing.
Point 3: First contact
To build a good rapport, the first face-to-face encounter between two strongmen is the best time to build a report.
Because of this, people judge whether they can trust you or not. This is important in the minutes before the meeting and if your first impression needs to be corrected. So the person in front will never be able to lift it, no matter how hard they try.
Point 4: Actions speak louder than words
Your body language is louder than your words. Therefore, we must ensure the listener’s body language does not contradict their verbal message.
We are here to make you understand Rapport Bee Design as an example. There was a young man who had dinner alone many times. Sitting alone, he was bored; then he heard the voice of a remarkable woman telling someone that she was an online gamer.
But his conversation partner sitting with him had no interest in that topic. That’s when the young man quickly went to her and greeted them and built a rapport with his skilful whole body language. Then that young man smiled, leaned towards that woman, and copied all her body movements.
Since they had mutual interests, it was easy for them to talk. The point is that shy people can become more successful by practising this body language.
Thank you, friends. This book is truly incredible. Earlier, we used to do most of the movements and actions without thinking, but after reading this summary, you know how important these are and how to use them. You must remember that you always have to keep your body language open to become a better, more impressive, and more attractive person.
How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less Book review
Nicholas Boothman’s book is a practical guide to building instant rapport and connections. The author’s conversational writing style makes it easy to follow, with relatable examples and actionable tips.
The book focuses on first impressions and non-verbal communication, introducing the concept of “synchrony” – matching and mirroring body language, tone, and energy. Active listening, empathy, and open-ended questions are also emphasized for fostering genuine connections.
What sets this book apart is its practical techniques for personal and professional settings. The author provides step-by-step instructions for creating a positive first impression and exercises to refine these skills.
In conclusion, this book is an invaluable resource for improving interpersonal skills and forming meaningful connections. I highly recommend it for anyone seeking to enhance their social interactions.
Our summaries are also available on all Podcast platforms, named “Kitabein,” which recently won India’s best educational podcast award. The link is just down below: