The Art of People

Do you want to impress people, want to attract them towards you? Do you want to influence people? Do you want the whole world to be crazy about you? Do you want everyone to follow you and listen to your every word?

Then, today’s summary is going to be very useful for you. Because today we will talk about such an art, which is found in the most successful people in the world. The way they handle people. The way they talk to people. As they impress people. All this you are going to go through in this summary.

It has even been said that if you haven’t read Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends & Influence People, then it doesn’t matter. However, if you would like to read this excellent book’s summary in just 12 minutes, hit the link below:

Today we will talk about a book that will make us learn to master the art of becoming a better person. We are talking about The Art of People. This book is a guide by Dave Kerpen on managing some of your most influential people and relationships.

People matter in our life. They matter more than anything in managing your job, career, life, and relationships. This has 11 handy tips on understanding people, building better relationships and getting the most out of relationships. Let’s start and discuss in detail these 11 tips.

Chapter 1: Aim to understand yourself & others

Self-awareness should be at the core of the art of people. It’s so important to understand yourself and how you function before you can understand anyone else truly.

You take action and try to get to know yourself as soon as possible. Everyone falls into different categories, and knowing where you fit is best before trying to understand others.

It’s also essential to understand how you interact with people and what kind of relationship you usually have with others. Even if you don’t like someone, you can still ‘get’ them.

A deeper understanding of someone will always be beneficial, whether you like them or not.

You take on a challenge. Consider three people you know that you don’t get, people whose company you don’t particularly enjoy. Reach out to them and ask to meet for coffee.

When you meet, dedicate your time to getting to know this person and aiming to understand what makes them tick.

You’ll likely leave the meeting not liking them more than before, but you’ll understand them better. This means you’ll have a chance to build a beneficial relationship.

It’s pretty logical that you know your friends better than someone you just met. However, here are a few tips you can use when you first meet someone to speed up the process and understand who they are. Rather than the usual ‘what do you do for a living or ‘where do you live’ consider a few of the following questions:

1. What do you think is the most exciting thing in your professional life?
2. And in your personal life, what excites you the most now?
3. If money wasn’t an issue, would you be doing something different?
4. Five years from now, what would you ideally like to be doing?
5. Do you have a favourite charity organization? Why do you choose them?
6. Who is a role model to you, and why?
7. Who in your life has been significantly influential to you?
8. What do you think your favourite teacher would say about you?

These questions not only break the ice, they quickly get people talking about the things that matter, the things that will reveal their true personalities: their values, their likes, their hopes, and their passions.

Don’t be interesting, be interested. We all know that this is true, that humans love to talk about themselves. This is a fact and something that’s not going to change. The reality is that whenever you are having a conversation, almost everyone would rather talk about themselves than listen to someone else.

So, there’s your chance to tap in, listen to what they say, be attentive, and learn and understand more about someone.

Listening is more complex than it sounds. Most of the time, we passively listen. We wait for our chance to talk. Instead, you must actively listen and care about what the other person is saying.

This takes focus and practice but will almost always strengthen your relationships. Remember that people care more about themselves than they care about you. People want to talk about themselves.

Listening and letting people talk is critical to winning them over in life, business, and all human relationships. Listening and letting people talk is critical to winning them over in life, business, and all human relationships.

Another thing that humans crave is connection. Often humans are lonely and feel isolated, searching for connections with people to fill the gap. This is why authentically listening and connecting with people is so important. By doing this, you’ll improve their movement and their sense of being and help them feel less alone.

You’ll be in a position of power with them and able to influence them. It is essential to be authentic in doing this. You can’t be doing this with a selfish, ulterior motive. You must be developing the relationship because it’s the right thing to do for both of you.

Chapter 2: Focus on meeting the right people

There’s a simple key to networking that nobody talks about. Standing out from the crowd, you want to be noticed. You need a point of difference in a room full of people trying to get noticed. Here are a few ways to help yourself stand out in a crowd.

Many people will see this as unnecessary or something that doesn’t work, but there’s no harm in trying! You should wear attention-grabbing clothing that stands out and is potentially a conversation starter. Consider bright clothing or shoes, a statement scarf, or a tie. Something that people will notice and be encouraged to chat with you about.

LinkedIn is one of the most important social networks. The author emphasizes the importance of using it correctly so you can connect with almost anyone you want. You can also make a personal connection by following us on LinkedIn. Here’s how you should use it:

1. Start by creating a profile. Detail all the schools you attended, the education you received, organizations you worked for, and groups you’ve been a member of.
2. It’s important not to leave anything out; the more on your profile, the more likely you are to connect with people who have something in common with you.
3. Instantly connect with people you work with or attended school with. This will immediately improve your second-degree connection ability.
4. If there’s someone you’d particularly like to meet, search for them on LinkedIn and find a mutual connection. Ask the mutual connection to introduce you, and hopefully, you can set up a meeting.

You are also most welcome to connect with us on LinkedIn and read some interesting daily posts.

Establish your advisory board

This can contain anywhere from seven to eleven people. Your advisory board is designed to help you reach your pre-established goals.

It’s essential to select the right people and understand how each of them will be beneficial in aiding you to reach these goals. Have at least 50% of the board of people you already know. Have a minimum of two people that you’ve never met but have mutual connections with.

Once you’ve established who you want on your advisory board, invite them and establish where you will meet and how regularly. Karpen firmly believes in the motto of hiring slowly and firing first. This goes for both professional and personal relationships. Take time to consider people in your life that you may have rushed into ‘hiring’, and they aren’t serving their purpose. These people need to be fired and let go. Consider friends, acquaintances, and employees.

On the opposite side, you need to hire slowly. Please don’t rush into intense relationships with people before you know it’s right. Take your time and get to know each other before you dive into a commitment. Again, this goes for both personal and professional relationships. “Take your time letting them into your inner circle, but don’t be afraid to toss them out the second it stops feeling right.” Another part of being human is the need to be liked.

This desire to always be seen as nice can harm you in the long run. People who ask many of you often don’t offer anything in return. And these are the people you should be blowing off. On the other hand, we are all busy and often can’t afford to give people our time. Sometimes when you are unsure about the value someone can offer you, you’ll blow them off without giving them a chance.

Although this can work in your favour, sometimes you might miss valuable opportunities. Take the time to evaluate people and relationships before committing time to them or blowing them off completely.

Chapter 3: Learn how to read other people

We’ve already discussed the importance of listening to other people. It is essential to understand that listening isn’t simply hearing by the ears. To truly listen, you must consciously pay attention to what someone else is saying. You need to understand what they are saying and what it means consciously.

Consider what is important to them and why. You need to learn to listen with your eyes, not just your ears. Several nonverbal signs and cues that people often use explain what they mean. Here’s a list of what you should be looking out for:

1. Pay attention to people’s facial expressions, little smiles or frowns, raised eyebrows or crinkled foreheads.
2. Does their posture change? Consider their body movements and whether they look comfortable or not.
3. Often people talk with their hands, pay attention to waves, and point and animated speaking.
4. Maintain eye contact throughout and see if they also do.
5. Pay attention to the physical space you are both consuming. Are you close or distant? Space can communicate signs of intimacy, closeness or anger and distance.
6. Also, remember to pay attention to how someone is talking, listen to their voice, does it change, and what it communicates.
7. Use mirrors as a tool to improve your connections with people. But again, you must be doing this authentically. You can’t simply repeat back what you’ve heard while seeming insincere. The key to making mirroring work is actually to care. “People, in general, don’t want advice even when they ask for it. They just want to feel heard. As you practice and get good at mirroring, you will help people feel heard, and they will love you for it.”

Chapter 4: Learn how to connect with people

Validation is one of the best ways to connect with other people. Sometimes validation can be complex, especially if you don’t necessarily agree with the other person. However, it’s important to remember that validation is not the same as agreeing.

To validate, you must show the other person you care about them and what they say.

You need to show that you understand. The most important question you can ask when you first meet someone is, ‘how can I help you?’

In asking this, you allow the other person to ask for help. They will feel more appreciative and connected to you. This will also prompt them to help you out in return. In some cases, your offers to help will be declined.

This will be because they do not know how you can help them. But even when declined, your offer is still beneficial because, even if they don’t accept the help, they will still appreciate it.

Almost everyone now has an online presence, and it is essential to be as authentic when you are online as you are in real life. You mustn’t have a different persona online, as this will make you feel inauthentic. It is important to be vulnerable also.

In doing this, you open yourself up to someone else, and they will feel a deeper connection. They will be able to relate to you and your vulnerability, and this can be incredibly powerful in establishing a connection. So don’t be afraid to cry!

Here, there is a golden rule we’ve all grown up learning about: “Do to others as you would want them done to you.” We’ve all heard about this and been told countless times.

However, there is a fundamental weakness with this rule, and that is that everyone is different. You may want to be treated one way in a particular situation, but someone else requires a different treatment.

Context is as important as understanding people. So, we should live by a slightly altered version of the rule: ‘do unto others as they would want done to them’.

Chapter 5: Focus on influencing

You want to be influential and encourage people to come up with your idea ‘all on their own’.

There are a few ways you can do this:

1. Don’t use the phrase ‘I have an idea’ – never use the word “I.”
2. Instead, you should subtly push the other person toward your idea and the results. Don’t be explicit; let them fill in the gaps.
3. You could try explaining the opposite of what you are after. Identify the issues of this option, and hopefully, the other person will find your idea as the solution.
4. If the other person mentions your idea, whether close to or exact, embrace it and encourage them.
5. You can suggest alterations to their idea when it’s not what you wanted. Suggest that their idea was a great starting point, but have they considered a few ways to improve it?

You need to avoid the sales pitch; everyone can sense a sales pitch a mile away, and nobody likes being sold to. A better alternative is storytelling.

Stories allow people to connect with you on an emotional level and are quickly drawn in. Storytelling can sell products, services, and ideas more authentically than any sales pitch ever could.

You must know when to shut up and listen to influence others. No matter what you have to say, offer, sell, or convince someone of, it is always more effective to demonstrate a genuine, authentic interest in the other person by listening and asking questions.

Of course, eventually, you have to talk to share your idea or product and make your case, but if you’ve laid the groundwork by listening, that part is surprisingly easy.

You don’t ever get what you want unless you ask for it. People get too scared to hear the word no that they don’t ask for what they want. And in not asking, you’re guaranteeing yourself a no. So don’t be scared, ask!

Chapter 6: Changing minds

To win influence, don’t change the other person’s mind. Just change your own mindset. Changing your own mindset is a lot easier than waiting for someone else to change their mind.

Bragging can be highly beneficial as long as you remain humble and authentic. When sharing your achievements on social media, you should not be afraid.

You should, however, aim to be as authentic as possible. People will inevitably judge you, so ensure you can stand by what you said. The other thing you should do on social media provides authentic praise to others.

When deserving of a compliment, give one. This will help people feel good about themselves and show that you are interested in them.

It is essential to manage your time well and how you spend it with others. Here are a few recommendations for managing your time with people better:

1. Examine your calendar for the last 3-4 weeks. Identify the time you spent with different people. Ask yourself if you are happy with how your time was prioritised.
2. Aim to limit the less critical tasks and conversations so that you can focus on important ones. Develop a system that works for you.
3. Regularly check in with the essential people in your life, the ones you would like to spend more time with.
4. Continue this for a month, then review the system.
5. Re-visit the people you wanted to spend more time with, did you?
6. Assess your system. Is it working? Are you prioritising your time to be spent with the right people?

Chapter 7: Be a teacher

There is an extreme difference between telling someone how to do something and showing them how. It doesn’t matter who your students are, but showing will always be more effective in the long run. To be a good teacher, you must practice the art of patience. Patient people can teach anyone just about anything.

You have to take the time to explain and demonstrate every single step. Be patient and simplify things so anyone can understand your teaching. “Understand your strengths and then use them to teach others. It’s important to remember that no two people are the same, and your strengths may differ significantly from someone else.

Don’t assume they are the same as you when aiming to teach someone something new. First, identify their strengths and understand them.

Karpen shares an excellent activity to do to improve your teaching ability:

1. Identify a few who report directly to you if you are a manager. (If you aren’t a manager, identify a few people you influence in one way or another).
2. Remember a few of your favourite school teachers. How did their teaching benefit you, and how did they affect your performance?
3. Reflect on your notes and establish ways to be a better manager/influencer by taking on some of your favourite teachers’ qualities.

As a manager or teacher, teaching others about the power of goals and accountability partners is essential. Encourage people to find an accountability partner to keep them on track. Their accountability partner should work with them to set SMART goals. Everyone should check in with their partner at a minimum once a week.

Chapter 8: Be a leader

There’s no “I” in the team, but there is an I in leadership. So many people go on to be a leader without any formal training or coaching. He identifies a few things those good leaders need to be focusing on at all times:

1. Identifying and communicating the vision for your team.
2. Ensuring that the right people are in the right roles within the team.
3. Ensuring that there is enough money and resources to reach the desired goals.
4. As a leader, it’s essential to be transparent. Although a difficult task, you need to be the one to deliver bad news. This goes for your professional and personal life. Practice being as honest and transparent with people as possible. When delivering bad news, be transparent, straight to the point and remain positive where possible. Establishing this transparency with family and colleagues will help build trust and deepen relationships.
5. Today, anyone can be a leader, whether the group you’re leading is your company, team, department, or family. You can be a leader even if you have no official leadership role and are simply setting a good example for the people around you. And you can develop many leaders on your team as well.

Chapter 9: Learn how to resolve conflict

Nobody enjoys conflict, so you must understand how to resolve conflict when it arises effectively. This can be applied to conflict between you and someone else or two other people.

The key is to put both people at ease; it’s not about finding a winner but a resolution that works for both sides.

Conflict usually appears when someone is struggling to feel heard or be helped. Understanding both sides and letting each side state its case is essential.

Your instinct may be to wrap the conflict up as soon as possible. But the reality is that this won’t work. Both sides need to feel like they have been heard before they will calm down and collect themselves.

If someone is still heated and emotions are running high, the conflict needs time to work itself out.

If you are part of the conflict, the easiest way to resolve it is to let go of your argument. Surrender to them and take the control back. Many see this as quitting or failing, but you control the situation by determining the outcome.

“Sometimes you can resolve conflicts with people quickly. And sometimes, it takes work, but through time and effort, listening and mirroring and validation, along with a dose of patience.

Chapter 10: Be inspirational

Remember, it’s not all about you. Whether you’re speaking to an audience of three thousand, three hundred, thirty, or three, if you hope to inspire them, your material and delivery must be about them and how they can grow, not about you.

Too many people get caught up in their own agenda and focus on themselves and their products too much. They forget the aim of fame: to sell something to other people. Therefore, you must focus on how your product/service might better their life or solve a problem they have.

It is essential to do random acts of kindness and how they can make anything feel better. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, just something minor such as picking up litter, holding the door for people to enter a building or retweeting people promoting something new.

All you need to do is stop focusing on yourself for a few minutes and focus on someone else. No one enjoys receiving criticism, but Kerpen explains that constructive criticism is a core improvement component.

Feedback is so important and is entirely necessary. When providing feedback, ensure that your criticism is always constructive and consider the following points:

1. Don’t deliver a critique in front of other people. Don’t try to shame someone.
2. Have a one-on-one discussion.
3. Consider the praise sandwich; start with a compliment, then a criticism and round it up with another compliment.
4. Rather than just identifying issues, suggest positive solutions.

Chapter 11: Keep people happy

The last tip is that you need to keep people happy. You should consider creative ways to surprise the essential people and promote happiness and joy.

Consider your employees, colleagues, clients, friends, and family. Try and surprise someone every day with a little bout of happiness. Whether it be a small compliment or sharing a joke, the little things go a long way. Consider writing thank you cards.

Although a bit old-fashioned, a thank you card can be incredibly influential. It shows that you care and took the time to write a personal note and send the card.

It’s a straightforward task that can build loyalty and trust and deepen relationships. You can also send small, thoughtful gifts. They don’t have to be big or lavish. A small pot plant for an office or a bottle of wine can go a long way.

Another thing you try to do regularly introduces people you know to each other. This lifts both people you are introducing. They’ll feel worthy and essential. And it should provide mutual benefits.

So, friends, these were the 11 easy tips with the help of which you can master the art of being a good person.

We often miss out on straightforward tips, but these little things make us different from others. To understand ourselves better, to be a good listener, to inspire others, to make them feel wanted, to lead them like a leader and to share happiness among people are all such things, by following which we can master the art of dealing with people.

And to do all this, we do not need to do anything significant. It is just a tiny step away. And believe me, every one of you can master this art; there is a slight step delay to start.

The Art of People Book Review

One of the things that stood out to me about this book was Kerpen’s emphasis on the importance of listening. He makes a compelling case for why active listening is crucial to building trust and understanding with others, and provides readers with practical tips for improving their listening skills.

Another strength of “The Art of People” is its focus on empathy. Kerpen stresses the importance of putting oneself in others’ shoes and understanding their perspectives, which can lead to more effective communication and better relationships.

Overall, I found “The Art of People” to be a well-written and insightful book that is worth reading for anyone who wants to improve their interpersonal skills. Kerpen’s advice is practical and actionable, and his writing is engaging and easy to follow. If you’re looking for a book that can help you build stronger relationships and improve your communication skills, then “The Art of People” is definitely worth checking out.

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