Self-esteem or self-respect, we hear these words in so many places. So many such powers inside us make us different from everyone; one of these powers is self-esteem. Self-esteem works like an invisible force in the human body, which is not visible but is very powerful.
But many people lose their self-esteem with time, lose their self-confidence, And this is the time when a person starts walking towards the bottom.
And it becomes tough to get out of it. And that’s why today we are going to talk about an excellent book, whose name is, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden.
This book will help you to achieve your Self Esteem. Have you ever felt that you are not capable? Or are you a cheater who only pretends to understand things? Then, it would help if you increased your Self Esteem. The 6 Pillars or exercises mentioned in the book will help you to achieve Self Esteem.
Through this, you can achieve better health, achievement, and happiness. Also, to explain the importance of the author – Self Esteem in five critical areas of life: Workplace, parenting, education, psychotherapy, and culture, work, teachers, parents, and managers give guidance to increase Self Esteem. Each of you can achieve Self Esteem by using the exercises in the book.
So, in this article, we will summarize the book “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” and offer a review to help you determine whether or not it is worth reading.
In the book, you will learn about these six pillars or exercises:
- Exercise of living with the senses
- Exercise of self-affirmation
- Exercise of own responsibility
- Exercise of self-assertiveness
- Exercise of living purposefully
- Exercise of personal integrity
So let’s understand all the pillars in detail to understand them in detail. So let’s get started.
What is Self Esteem?
Self Esteem means believing in your ability. Self Esteem is significant for us humans. This means that when we believe in our ability, then only complete any work with full understanding.
And only through Self Esteem can we be successful in our life. Self Esteem is much more than our feelings because we must be inspired and encouraged.
Our way of working influences our Self Esteem, and our Self Esteem significantly affects our work, and it always goes on like this. If we consider it essential to think about what and how to do it, then it is equally important to have Self Esteem to make the right decisions.
When we believe that we can face challenges in life, our trust will influence our behavior so that we can turn our desires into reality.
Likewise, if you constantly feel tired and worthless, your false trust will never allow you to value yourself, and you will not be able to achieve your desired results. Therefore, we need Self Esteem to live a more joyful life. Through Self Esteem, we can do these things in our life:
- We can face all kinds of challenges.
- We can have strong confidence in our abilities. Through this, we can achieve happiness, well-being, and satisfaction.
- By understanding our values, we can fulfill our needs.
Similarly, Self Esteem profoundly connects with our thoughts, actions, and feelings. Simply put, a person with low self-esteem can’t be happy because he constantly feels that he doesn’t deserve it.
The author explains that: Lack of Self Esteem leads to a lack of love because we need to love ourselves to love others. And we can love ourselves only when we appreciate ourselves.
Along with this Self Esteem creates expectations. When we have healthy self-esteem, we can think about who we are and what we want to be. Overall, having Self Esteem to move forward in today’s world is very important.
Self Esteem is of two types
Trust in our ability: In this self-esteem, we must trust our decisions, knowledge, and results. This means we have to believe that we can learn all that is needed to be successful, and when we rely on this ability to try and achieve our goals in the best possible way – we live our lives. I can be successful.
Self-respect: To have self-esteem is to believe that we are worthy of getting respect from others. In addition, self-esteem is expressed in the following ways:
- The way you talk, by way of talking about the results obtained,
- Out of curiosity to know about the new results,
- Ability to deal with incidents,
- Making decisions in a stressful situation with ease.
Many people know that self-esteem is a valuable quality; therefore, they want to appear confident, but they are often unable to do so.
Thus, the author recommends adopting self-esteem to seem convinced. And you can move forward in your life with complete confidence.
Now the question becomes, what should we do to increase our self-esteem? So to increase your self-esteem, trust your ability and start by being aware.
However, increasing self-esteem is impossible so quickly: We need to start with small steps. Six exercises are told in the book to increase self-esteem. You can improve your self-esteem, which we will know in the following chapters.
Exercise 1: Exercise of Living with Consciousness
Our brain is the most critical resource for survival, yet we are not equal in our ability and intelligence. This means we get our understanding by working rather than by our ability. No work can be accomplished by just thinking, so you should do the necessary work to complete your job. We believe from our understanding that we can also learn from our emotions. All we need is a conscious and active mind to achieve awareness. This shows up in these cases:
- Enjoying a moment.
- Distinguish between facts, thoughts, and feelings.
- Instead of avoiding problems, work to deal with them.
- Seeing and correcting your mistakes
- You have to know your actual values.
Similarly, to use awareness and achieve an active mind, ask yourself: What if I do this? It means seeing how you will get results in return and how beneficial it will be. To complete this exercise, practice completing Sentence: By which you can find out the hidden connections inside you. And you can use them to move forward in your life.
What if I do this for you to use it? Try to complete the incomplete sentence in at least six ways.
In addition, the author suggests completing these sentences to gain awareness:
- Living my life consciously means to me that…
- I am more aware of people, then…
- In the essential relationships, then…
- If I bring 5% more awareness about my activity today…
- I pay more attention to how I behave with people today…
- If I bring 5% more awareness about insecurities then…
- If I bring 5% more awareness to my priorities, then…
Now, according to the situation, fill these sentences and achieve awareness. When you complete your sentence, then you can move forward in your life by becoming aware. Next, to Improve Self Esteem, we have to start by changing our mindset: to use such a mindset, we should start living consciously.
By living consciously, we begin to question things and can think about our inner world (needs, wants, feelings) as well as the outside world (facts and explanations). By doing this, we come closer to seeing the reality.
And after facing reality, we gain a basic understanding of ourselves, which is the basis of our well-being. To gain your understanding, ask yourself: Are you living your life consciously? Also, pay attention. It matters a lot.
The author has asked to use every pillar or exercise of Self Esteem as a powerful tool to live more consciously. To do this exercise, take an incomplete sentence – and quickly write down whatever comes to your mind, don’t stop to think, and as Brandon puts it: “Nothing has an end, so Just keep going.”
And finally, after completing your sentence, you can gain an understanding of your life. Also, with your knowledge, you can achieve a successful life by making the right decisions.
Exercise 2: The Exercise of Self-affirmation
To move forward and adapt ourselves in our lives, we need to be aware that we are the only ones who can change our lives and are responsible for ourselves. That’s why we need to adapt ourselves – only by adopting ourselves can we learn to appreciate ourselves.
When we embrace our feelings, it allows us to know our thoughts, and it is possible to be ourselves. The author explains: To achieve healthy Self Esteem, we should use self-affirmation. Means to adopt self-esteem, keep in mind these things of self-affirmation:
- We work for ourselves,
- And we can recognize our thoughts.
Along with keeping these things in mind, the author suggests exercising self-affirmation. This exercise is straightforward, which you can do immediately: look in a mirror for this, focus carefully on yourself, and say aloud: I accept myself completely!
Of course, admitting it doesn’t mean that you like everything about yourself. Instead, you can get your mistakes; if you do, you can also take the necessary steps for change.
Adopting yourself is the first step to change. If we accept ourselves as we are, we can work to improve according to our behavior. To adapt yourself, keep these things in mind:
Being ready to adapt is in our favor – meaning we adapt ourselves to improve ourselves.
- To accept ourselves, we have to understand ourselves. In which we adopt our every mistake and goodness.
- And we can feel what we think – at the same time, we can achieve the thing we desire to have.
- By adopting ourselves, we can learn from our mistakes. And by taking the necessary steps for improvement, you can improve yourself.
So now the most important question becomes: Do you want to accept your greatness? And are you ready to move on in your life? If you answer yes, start today and rectify your mistakes by adopting yourself. And finally, you can become a better person in your life through improvement.
Exercise 3: Exercise of Taking Responsibility
We must take responsibility for our own life. Because we are the only ones who can improve our lives – no one else will do it for us. But at the same time, we must understand that while talking about responsibility, we need to remember what we are taking responsibility for.
If we have no control over something or an event, we should not take responsibility for it. Taking someone else’s responsibility increases other people’s expectations, and they feel safe with you, so never make false promises to someone by taking false responsibility.
And when it comes to taking responsibility, we should take full responsibility for things that depend only on us and accept that if we spoil it, no one else will come forward to help us.
The exercise of taking responsibility for ourselves is about controlling our existence and our happiness. The author explains that to do this exercise, we have to understand that it is not someone else’s job to make us happy; We are solely responsible when taking responsibility for ourselves. Whenever a problem strikes, ask yourself: “What can I do about it?”
Start working when you get an answer, and stop taking responsibility for what doesn’t depend on you or could harm you. And focus on moving ahead in your life in a better way. We should not blame others for our lives or expect others to improve our lives.
We are responsible for our life’s situations, results, happiness, and success. To understand this as soon as possible and take responsibility for your life.
If you expect from others, you will work to fulfill their goals. But by working towards fulfilling your goals, you can live your life according to you. So take responsibility for yourself from today itself and fulfill this incomplete sentence of the author to take responsibility:
- If I take full responsibility for my happiness, then
It will depend on your answer and how you complete the sentence । For example, to meet the punishment is to take responsibility for me. If I take full responsibility for my happiness, I can make my whole life happy. Similarly, complete this sentence in your way and take responsibility for your life.
Exercise 4: Exercise of Self Assertiveness
To achieve Self Esteem means to be genuine and authentic; it means to be who you are. And to practice self-assertion, we must have trust, values, thoughts, needs, and wants to be happy and move forward.
With self-assertion, you can face the challenges of your life and start striving to achieve mastery. Follow these steps to start becoming self-assertion:
- Be ready to take responsibility!
- Be who you are!
- Don’t hesitate to ask if you have any doubts!
- Trust that your thoughts and results are essential to life’s progress!
According to the author, if you don’t take these easy steps, you can become a meaningless part of someone else’s life. And if you accept this exercise of Nathaniel Brandon, you can move forward confidently in your life. So start from today itself and know your value in your life.
Exercise 5: Exercise of Living Purposefully
We all have some life goals to achieve, which we work on. But many people need more purpose and just waste time watching social media on mobile.
Meaning here, the author wants to say that living without ambition equals living like an animal. And in this way, you can never be successful in your life. So start living your life purposefully and set your goals to be successful in your life. And ask yourself a question: What do you want to achieve in your life?
Now, think about what is most important in your life. And what is the dream that you want to fulfill? And set goals that will help you move forward in your life. Also, follow these steps to increase your awareness:
- Take responsibility for setting your goals!
- Decide the steps you need to take to reach your goals!
- Make your behavior compatible with your goals!
- Count the results of your work and focus on your results!
Similarly, keeping your needs and desires in mind, set your goals. But just by setting goals, you cannot achieve your desired things. You have to work for this. You need to work to achieve your goals to achieve your desired results.
And with plans, you will be able to appreciate yourself. Therefore, to gain healthy Self Esteem, you must live with the desire to fulfill your essential purpose in your life.
When we have clear goals, we can start living our life purposefully and work towards fulfilling our dreams with genuine intentions. This means that our trend toward life is active rather than reactive.
Our goals make our lives meaningful. So start living your life purposefully from today itself. And ask yourself a question: What is your purpose, and are you living to fulfill it? If not, decide on your first goal today and do the necessary work.
Exercise 6: The Personal Integrity of the Exercise
Personal integrity means being honest about your values. The more we live on the principles set by us, the more we can achieve Self Esteem. You can use the easiest way to complete your work, but you can only gain Self Esteem if it matches your values.
That’s why we need to live with confidence and ideals, which means the way we want to live our lives and do our work with the desire to achieve that way.
At the same time, to move forward in your life, be Conscious, use your knowledge, try to achieve your best results, take responsibility for your choices and their results, and do your best to deal with the challenges.
Then, ask yourself a question: Are you living with personal integrity? If not, then understand your values from today itself and work keeping your values in mind to get Self Esteem in your life.
External Factors Influencing Self-Esteem
In earlier chapters, we learned that the 6 Pillars of Self Esteem try to influence our thinking; no matter how aware we are, we always want to be social human beings. Because of this, they are influenced by others. Similarly, many external factors influence Self Esteem. We will know in this chapter:
It talks about the Self-esteem of the children. On how the Self-esteem of children can be easily given shape. In this, the parents have a vital role. Parents should focus on developing their children’s self-esteem. The most important rule for parents is that they should not take their children’s poor performance lightly.
It creates unnecessary expectations in your children, according to which if the child cannot grow up, he feels that he has lost the purpose of his life. Therefore, please encourage your children to move forward by learning from their mistakes when faced with their failures.
In sports, love is often linked to performance. If your parents were athletic, that doesn’t mean you’ll be good at a joke. Instead, it only can be possible apart from this; pride also plays a significant role in shaping the Self Esteem.
Therefore, praise yourself or your children only when you have done some good deed. But still, if you’ve tried your best to do a good job, you can brag about your efforts. To increase your Self Esteem, focus on your actions and do what can help you improve.
After parents, our teachers have the most significant impact on our lives. Unfortunately, many teachers themselves struggle with self-esteem problems, and many are taught not prepared, which can hurt children.
And children may be discouraged from moving forward in their lives. Therefore teachers should train their students to be encouraged.
Everyone has something valuable. It is the teachers’ job to find it and ask their students to work according to their values. According to the author, a teacher teaches his students only when he has Self Esteem.
Workers – Companies
It has been proved that workers with more Self Esteem perform better, so companies also try to create an environment full of creativity and innovation, which helps the workers to serve better. In an environment that supports Self Esteem, people:
- Can feel recognized.
- Can be creative.
- You can keep your thoughts in front of everyone.
- Information can be accessed.
- And encourage yourself to learn.
Leader, CEO, President
If you want to move ahead from where you are now, you must be with people better than yourself. If a CEO wants to make a successful company, he needs to hire more intelligent, more capable people and better professionals than himself, who will do a better job to make his company successful company.
To do this, a CEO needs healthy self-esteem. If you want to behave appropriately with these people, you must appreciate yourself. Only then can you act well with your workers. In return, your workers will do a good job.
Follow these four steps to create Self Esteem:
- Suppose you avoid any work that takes you out of your comfort zone. So it will ruin your Self Esteem and your life. So get out of your comfort zone and do your best to succeed in your life.
- Start by doing small things – Even a little progress in any work can increase our Self Esteem. For example: If you want to go to the gym, put on your shoes and start running.
- Start with small steps to accomplish a big task. And move forward toward your goal.
- Even in complex tasks, face your most significant challenges and do what is necessary to overcome them.
And finally, you can achieve a lot of Self Esteem. For this, use the six pillars meaning exercises mentioned in the book and get ready to achieve Self Esteem in your life.
From this book, we learned about how to achieve Self Esteem. Through this, we can be successful and happy in our life. Therefore, use the six exercises mentioned in the book and prepare to move forward.
- Exercise of living with the senses
- Exercise of self-affirmation
- Exercise of own responsibility
- Exercise self-assertiveness
- Exercise of living purposefully
- Exercise of personal integrity
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem Book Review
Nathaniel Branden’s approach is based on six pillars: living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, purposeful living, and personal integrity. Through these pillars, he emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility for one’s life, being honest with oneself, setting boundaries, pursuing goals, and living with integrity.
Branden’s writing style is clear, concise, and engaging, making it easy for readers to follow his ideas and exercises. He provides practical examples and anecdotes to help readers relate to the concepts and apply them in their lives. The exercises at the end of each chapter are particularly helpful in guiding readers through the process of developing their self-esteem.
Overall, “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” is an insightful and empowering book that can help readers improve their self-esteem and live a more fulfilling life. It is a valuable resource for anyone looking to enhance their self-awareness and personal growth.